In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During
that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between
the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of
the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are
welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the
hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup
with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef
rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will
execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000
Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
years.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -
we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own
ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today - no ice cream. (kein Eis?)
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all
directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you
are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the
bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Rome doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served
here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best
in the long run.
In a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles
and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control
yourself.
In a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in
sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still
obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: - English well talking. - Here
speeching American.
On a Malaga freeway: Locals for sale or rent.
In a hotel in Bruges: Bathroom light operates with motion sensor. Turns off
approx. 15 minutes after last registered motion.
On a Bulgarian web site: You may visit this webpage, only if you are logged in
or it is unavailable.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since
the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
At a door of a doctor's office: It enters please
